FAKE NEWS | Black Community Center Hit by Racist Lightning Bolt

By Shaun Tan

By Shaun Tan

Founder, Editor-in-Chief, and Staff Writer


NEW ORLEANS – A black community center in the heart of New Orleans was damaged by a bolt of lightning last night. The bolt lanced through the roof of the building, collapsing it in and scorching its multi-purpose hall, though fortunately no one was inside at the time.


Jeremiah Brown, a community organizer who worked at the center, knew exactly who was responsible for the destruction. “This was the work of the White Devil,” he declared. “As always, white people are to blame.”


“Damn you, White Devils!” he cried, standing outside the shattered community center this morning. “Damn you all to hell!”


The incident appears to have struck a chord across the entire country, with the hashtag #WhiteningStrikes trending on Twitter as of this afternoon.


“This was a racist hate crime perpetuated by the white supremacists,” tweeted Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez, Congresswoman from New York. “Call it what it was!”


“The lightning was literally WHITE in color,” said Trevor Noah, comedian and host of The Daily Show. “And it hit a BLACK community center. Are we supposed to believe that’s a coincidence?”


Ibram X. Kendi, author of the bestselling How to Be an Antiracist, spoke of the complicity between lightning and white power structures. “Once, my cousin, who is also black, was almost struck by lightning,” he said. “When he reported it to the police and asked them to take action, they said they couldn’t do anything about it. As always, the white establishment protects its own.”


Some pointed out that New Orleans was a hub of the slave trade in the antebellum United States. Others linked this incident to famous figures in America’s past.


“It’s well-known that the slave-owner Benjamin Franklin experimented with lightning,” noted Nikole Hannah-Jones, a Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist at the New York Times. “And Thomas Edison harnessed electricity. Electricity has long been the tool of the white man to keep people of color in their place.”


Some pundits traced this racism back even further, going back to the origins of Western civilization.


“Who’s the god of lightning?” asked Marissa Click, a professor of anthropology at Harvard. “Zeus – a privileged white man! In fact, since he’s the king of the Greek gods, he’s probably the most privileged white man there is.”


Some locals questioned why the stricken community center wasn’t outfitted with a lightning rod, which would have prevented this destruction, but others replied that this was the fault of the White Devil, also.


Louisiana State Representative Linh Nguyen said there was a long history of white people not selling lightning rods to people of color. “Have you looked at the lightning rod industry?” she asked. “It’s dominated by white people.


“America is reluctant to talk about its very real and deep-rooted systemic racism,” she said. “In this case, where the victim was New Orleans’ black community, we see the intersections of racism, economics, and electricity.”