FAKE NEWS | Hong Kong Riveted by Most Thrilling Election Ever

HONG KONG – Election fever has hit Hong Kong, with its fifth chief executive expected to be voted in on the 8^th of May.

“Everyone I know is so excited about the election,” exclaimed Cecilia Ng, 29, who works at a recruitment agency. “Every few hours we obsessively scan the news for election-related coverage, check in on how John Lee’s campaign is doing. The question in everyone’s mind is: Who will be the next chief executive? Will it be John Lee, the only person running for the office, and who most of the small cabal of electors who can vote in this election have nominated…or someone else?

“The suspense is killing us,” she said.

Despite being handpicked for the position by the central government in Beijing and running unopposed in a race that’s been rigged to ensure his victory, John Lee, the former deputy to the outgoing chief executive, has said that campaigning in this election “is not easy.”

Speaking to reporters at City Hall in Central today, Lee said he was working hard to demonstrate his fitness for the job, and that the most important quality in a chief executive, the highest-ranking official in Hong Kong, is decisiveness.

Asked by a reporter if he intended to continue with a zero-COVID policy in Hong Kong, and, if so, for how much longer, he replied: “Uh…I don’t have a position on that yet. I will have to check with the central government in Beijing.”

Lee attributed the excitement surrounding this election to the high stakes involved, saying that the responsibilities of the chief executive of Hong Kong have only grown over the years.

“People know that today the role of the chief executive is more important than ever,” he said. “The core duties consist of: receiving instructions from the central government, obeying the central government, repeating things the central government has said, and defending decisions the central government has already made over my head. It’s a very big responsibility.”

Lee added that a large part of the job includes listening to Hong Kong people. “Furthermore, as chief executive, it’s your duty to listen carefully to what Hong Kong people want, before ignoring it in favor of whatever the central government in Beijing orders.”

As former chief secretary, Lee has taken a hardline stance against the pro-democracy movement in the city, and, as security secretary before that, he led crackdowns against protests and independent media. In response to questions, he went on to address the role of the chief executive in safeguarding Hong Kong’s special autonomy and freedoms in line with the terms of the handover agreement China signed with Britain in 1984. “It also falls to the chief executive to ensure Hong Kong’s autonomy,” he said, “and protect things like freedom of assembly, freedom of the press-” before he burst out laughing.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I couldn’t keep that going with a straight face.”