FAKE NEWS | Mahathir Unveils Inspiring Party Platform Dedicated Solely To Making Him Prime Minister Again

By Shaun Tan

By Shaun Tan

Founder, Editor-in-Chief, and Staff Writer

3/9/2020

PUTRAJAYA – Former Malaysian Prime Minister Mahathir Mohamad today unveiled an inspiring new party platform that consisted solely of making him prime minister again. Speaking to reporters at the Perdana Leadership Foundation, an institute for the study of Malaysia’s prime ministers, Mahathir said the aim of his party, Pejuang, is to capture 36 parliamentary seats in the next general election, thus making it a kingmaker in Malaysia’s fractured political landscape. Mahathir speculated that in that event, neither the ruling coalition nor the opposition coalition would have the requisite number of seats to form a government, and Pejuang would then be able to join either side and demand that he be named prime minister in return.

 

Mahathir said this would be the best result for the nation.

 

“My heart bleeds for my country,” he said, choking with emotion. “When I look at Malaysians today, I see their despair and frustration at abuse of power, economic hardship, and not having me as their prime minister anymore. The land cries out for its true leader – ME!”

 

Pejuang, Mahathir vowed, would be a new kind of political party, one that refused to join either coalition before the election because it eschewed petty party politics. “We are non-partisan,” he said. “Instead, we are driven by a far higher purpose: returning me to power.”

 

Mahathir was Malaysia’s prime minister from 1981-2003. Disgusted at the corruption of his successor, Najib Razak, he led a coalition of moderate parties to a stunning election victory in 2018, and he became prime minister for a second time. His failure to manage his own party, however, allowed his backstabbing deputy, Muhyiddin Yassin, to plot against him and incite MPs to defect from the moderate coalition, leading to its collapse this February. Muhyiddin then became prime minister at the head of an Islamofascist ruling coalition, which included those defectors, whilst Mahathir was forced to form Pejuang to replace the party Muhyiddin hijacked.

 

His voice shaking with rage, Mahathir denounced the ruling coalition and all those responsible for the February coup. “Those traitors robbed Malaysians of their democracy. Worse still, they robbed Malaysians of the privilege of being led by me.

 

“Never again!” he vowed, raising his fist. “Never again should Malaysians have to suffer the indignity of not having me as prime minister!”

 

His son, Mukhriz, who holds rank in Pejuang too, was also there to explain its party platform, and he outlined what he called its “two-part plan” for getting the country back on track.

 

“The first order of business is to make my father prime minister,” he said. “The second order of business is to ensure he remains prime minister for as long as possible.”

 

With a flourish, he then unveiled a banner bearing the new party’s motto: “Make Malaysia Mahathir’s Again.”

 

Responding to questions from reporters asking whether Malaysians will vote for a party whose only policy seems to be making a selfish, delusional old man prime minister for a third time, Mukhriz warned against underestimating the power of the Mahathir brand.

 

“Since the coup this February, not a day goes by that people don’t approach my father begging him to return to the helm,” he said.

 

Addressing a recent spike in racial and religious tensions, Mukhriz urged Malaysians to find common ground. “In these times of distrust and discord, we must not lose sight of what binds us together as Malaysians: our shared desire to see my father become prime minister once more.”

 

Mahathir concluded the press conference by reminding Malaysian voters of some sobering facts.

 

“Please think on this. I am already 95 years old. I don’t know how much time I have left. Therefore, this is probably the last chance you will get to have me as your prime minister again,” he said, before launching into a rendition of Elvis’ “It’s Now or Never.”

 

Mukhriz, too, made an impassioned appeal to voters.

 

“If you don’t vote for Pejuang in the next election, how will you explain it to your children, to your grandchildren? How will you tell them that you had this chance to make my father prime minister again, but didn’t?”

 

Mukhriz also pointed out that if Pejuang were able to take power, it would be the most successful administration in history.

 

“Since its only objective is to make my father prime minister, it would, in effect, have achieved all its goals from Day One.”