World’s Worst GoFundMe Campaigns

By Shaun Tan

By Shaun Tan

Founder, Editor-in-Chief, and Staff Writer

29/8/2021

Nowadays, crowdfunding is easier than ever. Platforms like GoFundMe connect the public with all sorts of causes in need of financing. Of course, not all causes are worthy – here are some of the worst.

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Help Me Travel Around Asia

I’ve been travelling through Asia, but I’ve run out of money. Please donate to help me continue my travels!

Help Support the Resistance

I’m a socialist activist in New York. Over the past two years, I’ve helped to organize numerous protests in the city against the capitalist white supremacist patriarchy. After two years, though, I’m feeling really tired and burned-out, and I badly need a break. It’s a sad fact that, in this hectic world, self-care has become a revolutionary act. As Audre Lorde said: “Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.” I believe that reclaiming rest is an act of resistance, and that after recharging my batteries I will be better able to carry on the fight. Thus, I’ve decided to sign up for a weeklong spa retreat in the Hamptons, which will cost $10,000. Please support our struggle by donating to help me cover this.

Help Us Build a School in Nicaragua

We’re a group of five friends from California. Next summer, we’re planning to go to a remote part of Nicaragua for two weeks to help build a school there. We estimate we’ll need $20,000 to cover the cost of our flights there and back, other transport costs, living expenses, and to pay for rooms at the only decent hotel near the shitty place where we’ll be building the school (eww!). Yes, we know we could just donate the $20,000 to the locals already building the school there instead, but that would defeat the whole purpose of the exercise, since we’re all applying to college next year, and it looks good on our resumes if it seems like we actually give a shit about poor people in undeveloped parts of the world enough to go do something like this. Please donate to help us build this school for the Nicaraguan children!

Help Me Demonstrate My Love

For the past two years I’ve been in a relationship with the most incredible woman. Every day I wake up thinking how lucky I am to have her as my girlfriend. Our two-year anniversary is approaching, and I want to get her something really special, something that symbolizes just how much she means to me. I saw her eyeing a diamond necklace the other day, and I think it would make the perfect gift. What’s preventing me from buying it for her, though, is not the price, it’s that my wife watches my expenses like a hawk, and it’s imperative that she never finds out about my girlfriend. Please donate to help me express my love.

Help Me Complete My Monk’s Training

I am training to become a monk. I’ve shaven my head and studied the Eightfold Path and mastered the Five-Fingered Sutra. But in order to achieve complete detachment from earthly desires, I must undergo the Purging of Desire. This ancient ritual requires me to test myself by sleeping a whole night next to a beautiful naked prostitute without having sex with her. However, this test is very difficult, and I have failed it many times by giving in to bodily temptation, and I have now run out of money for it. Can you donate some money to help me complete my monk’s training?

Help RESTORE the People’s Choice

I used to be President of the United States, but the presidency was STOLEN from me in 2020 through electoral FRAUD by some very bad, very crooked people. I was the best president the country ever had. Since then, it’s been a disaster. Please donate to my campaign to help me RETAKE the White House in 2024 and RESTORE the people’s choice!

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