FAKE NEWS | Xi Vows to Peacefully Reincorporate Taiwan (Which Is Already Part of China) into China by Force, If Necessary

BEIJING – Chinese President Xi Jinping swore today to reincorporate Taiwan into China by any means at his disposal.

“China will use all peaceful means, including military force, which cannot be taken off the table, to reunify Taiwan (which is already part of China) with the rest of China,” he vowed.

Xi contrasted “peaceful force” with the “violent force” used by “Western imperialists.

“It’s force with Chinese characteristics,” he said.

Speaking at the Great Hall of the People, Xi told assembled officials, military officers, and guests that whilst he was prepared to bring the full force of the People’s Liberation Army to bear against the island, it would never be used against “the loyal compatriots who readily accept reunification and who constitute the majority of the people in China’s territory, Taiwan.” Xi clarified that it would only be used against “the very small number of Taiwan independence agitators” there.

“Chinese don’t fight Chinese,” Xi reminded his audience.

Xi also denounced what he called “intolerable foreign influence in China’s internal affairs,” warning other countries against formal relations with Taiwan’s government.

“China strictly forbids diplomatic relations with the non-existent government of Taiwan,” Xi said. “The Chinese people’s affairs should be decided solely by the Chinese people. It is they who will determine the issue of reunification, not foreign interlopers, and not the so-called government of Tsai Ing-wen,” said the unelected president of the elected one.

Xi called the reincorporation of Taiwan “the common will of the Chinese people and a requirement for the great rejuvenation of the Chinese nation.

“Reunification is the undeniable result of China’s unstoppable rise,” Xi said, to spontaneous applause from the assembled delegates. “China will never allow anything to jeopardize this process, which is an inevitable trend of history.

“It will not be long before Taiwan compatriots can enjoy living under the ‘One Country, Two Systems’ arrangement that has worked so well in Hong Kong,” he added.

Public reception to President Xi’s speech was overwhelmingly positive.

“Taiwan?” remarked Zhang San, a hotel operator in Xiamen. “Oh, yes, what Xi said.”

“President Xi’s speech reflects the heartfelt desire of the Chinese people,” said Bu Zhidao, chairman of the National Society of Taiwan Studies. “The Chinese people will not rest until Taiwan is part of China, which it already is.”